When we got pregnant with our first child after we’d only been married 5 months, we couldn’t wait to tell the exciting news to everyone! We were so happy!!! But I’ll never forget what someone said when we called to tell them. Some of the first words out of their mouth were, “Was it an ACCIDENT?”
Since then I’ve always had a distaste in my mouth for those words. First of all, I think it’s just a really rude question to ask. It’s none of your business whether someone’s child was planned or unplanned. If someone wants to tell you they will, if not, don’t ask.
Secondly, I don’t believe that there are any accidental children. Accidental parents? Yes. But no accidental children. Many moms and dads become parents unintentionally. They weren’t planning to become parents or to parent another child. It happened by accident. But that child, the child that they “accidentally” created was planned by God long long ago, before the Earth was formed. God does not make children accidentally. He knew the exact moment that child would come into existence – He was not caught off guard by an “accident”!
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Even if one of my children was not planned, I would not refer to them as an accident. Imagine how a child growing up with this label may feel. Unwanted, an accident? That’s a heavy burden to carry. You could tell your unplanned child, “God planned for you to be alive on this Earth exactly when you arrived. We were surprised but HE wasn’t surprised by you – He put you in our family at exactly the right time. And we are so glad that was his plan!” or something along those lines. Don’t give your child the burden of being “an accident”.
Which leads me to my train of thought today…… Eloise. Today is her Gotcha Day. The day we “got her” from her orphanage. The day we brought her home. The day she ceased to be an orphan and the day she gained a family. Three years ago today we brought her little 6 month old self home and showered her with love and watched her grow and thrive into the spunky 3 1/2 year old she is today.
Eloise’s biological mother got pregnant with her by accident. She became an accidental mother. But Eloise is NOT an accident. God destined her to be alive on this Earth at the very time Drew and Isaiah and Olive and I are…..so that she could be a beautiful part of our family. We cannot imagine life without her. She was not planned by her mother, but she was planned by us. It’s hard to forget all the hoops we had to jump through and the steps we had to complete for her adoption. All the money and the paperwork and the tears and the frustration as we went through the process! All the waiting and the praying and the hoping. It was all for her. We didn’t know it at the time but God had set aside a beautiful daughter for us, planned into existence by HIM.
Sometimes people become accidental parents and chose to end the life of their child and sometimes people become accidental parents and chose to GIVE LIFE to their child whether in their own home or the home of another. We are so so grateful God decided long ago that Eloise’s first mom would accidentally became pregnant with her and would give her life so that we could have a desired, planned for, and wanted daughter.
Happy Gotcha Day, Sweet Eloise. You are not an accident and we are glad you were born.